finding joy in a woeful world

Being an optimist in our tumultuous and rapidly changing world is no easy task. I’m here to reflect upon, laught at, and sometimes cry about my everyday attempts at staying happy. Join me for some musings on life and what brings more joy and less woe.

News

• Menopause: A Tale of Two Knees

  If Charles Dickens were a fifty something female runner

  It was the best of times.  It was the worst of times.  It was the age of running to preserve youth.  It was the age of arthritic decay.  It was the epoch of movement.  It was the epoch of ligament decline.  It was the season of midlife wisdom.  It was the season of naïve ignorance.  It was the spring of determination.  It was the winter of disappointment. 

  A mashup based on A Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens

  This is a cheeky spin on the introduction of A Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens.  As a retired teacher, I find humor in such literary play  (may Mr. Dickens forgive me).  I am a 53 year old woman, former runner, with horribly arthritic knees and a strong need to be “doing”. In all seriousness, I am facing two knee replacements, and hopefully after all is said and done, I will have everything before me, and even more in front of me.  God willing.

  In high school I ran to keep in shape for field hockey.  In college I ran to keep stress at bay.  In marriage I ran for fun.  And in parenthood I ran to shed baby weight.  As a teacher I ran to blow off steam.  And when I was diagnosed with high blood pressure and high cholesterol, I ran for my health.  I ran in the heat.  I ran in the rain.  I ran in the cold….on the one or two days a year it’s actually cold in coastal Texas.  When I ran, I felt like I could solve the world’s problems.  Even as I lay on the cool tile floor after running in Texas July heat, I felt accomplished and inspired feeling as if I was following the path to preserving youth.   But when I turned 50, things started changing for me as a runner.  New pains visited daily.  Surely more stretching will help.  Surely new running shoes will help.  These were the lies I told myself.  By the next year, I had knee pain so bad I couldn’t put weight on it.  The x-rays showed osteoarthritis in my left knee and I was bound for arthroscopy.  “It won’t eliminate all the pain” I was told.  “But it will be better”.  This was true.  Surgery, physical therapy, and dependence on my “good knee” kept me moving.  And lots of walking, walking, and more walking.  Pool workouts were also a godsend.  I reinvented myself.

  Three years later, I was in a good place.  I had figured out that delicate balance between doing enough but not too much. Then a pop of the good knee and I’m back where I started. 

  Today I left the orthopedic surgeon’s office with a plan to replace both knees.  One first and then the other.  It’s a pivotal moment for me, anchored by my doctor’s words, “it’s better to have working knees while you still have the spirit and desire to be active”.  Those are profound words for a woman dealing with menopause and accepting the challenges that come with age. 

  Now I prepare.  There is a spring “to-do” list before surgery and the inevitable onslaught of suffocating heat and humidity.  There are freezer meals to prepare and alternative plans for everything I do…..grandbaby caregiver, Doodle mom, and chief CEO of all things needed to run a home.  Join me on this journey as I think I’ll have lots to say.  Next week….CT scans!

• The Struggle with Growth Mindset!

  Confession time: I have been allowing this endeavor to intimidate me for over two months now. Looking for an alternative to teaching (a profession I love….but lately not feeling the love), I was hearing “Start a blog! You’ll be great! It’s so easy!”. I am now feeling not only incompetent but also ashamed that I paid for the site and after several attempts have yet to feel confidant enough to publish. I swear everytime I get on here the edit pages look completely different.

  So today, with school approaching at warp speed, I said enough is enough. I preach to my elementary students that mistakes are a gateway to success. Embrace them! Grow from them! And here I am refusing to live by that very same credo. So I’m giving it a try today…..even though I’m even less confident about it than I was before. So please…grant me some grace….lol.

  Today’s discussion is about growth mindset, and how taking chances at being wrong or “not good” at something builds brain pathways and eventually causes growth non only in your brain but in your outlook. You can find more about growth mindset here https://youtu.be/hiiEeMN7vbQ . I’ve been so focused on the possiblility of getting negative feedback on my lack of blogging skill, that I have wasted two months worrying about it.

  I’ve come to this blogging adventure because times are not what I consider to be motivating right now. There is so much rancor, division and hateful commentary going on that I’ve felt this sense of doom deep in my soul. And that’s just within my educator’s world. My vision for this blog is to share all the ways I combat the negativity in the world and choose joy. Sometimes it will be a rant about the things that are happening that are just not ok. And sometimes it will be about the simple things I find that choke those feelings out if only for a day. And I’m going to be bad at it…..until I’m better at it. I’m just not good at it…yet. I hope you come along for the journey.